Jacie Sytsma was on a field trip with her son’s class when she told a lie. One of the other moms was explaining how her family was about to move to another country, and she asked if Jacie had ever been there before. Wanting the other mom to think she was a sophisticated, well-traveled person, Jacie didn’t hesitate before saying yes, which was not true. In the past, Jacie would have brushed off the incident. Through her Faithwalking journey, however, she has grown to address her pattern of telling half-truths and stories that make her look good—a habit that speaks to a deeper heart issue.
The daughter of missionary parents, Jacie was born in the United States but grew up in Argentina. When she moved back at age 10, she struggled with fitting into American life. What she lacked in popularity she tried to compensate for in achievement. “I felt like I had to prove myself. I wanted to earn others’ love and tried to meet that legitimate need in illegitimate ways, namely, through performance and achievement.” As a child, Jacie loved receiving the praise of her parents and teachers. The praise was not undue, but with time, Jacie began to attach her value to the praise she received, further craving the affirmation she received from achievement. As she grew into adulthood, performing for praise and boosting her reputation through half-truths subtly became ingrained patterns of habitual disobedience. Over time, she wore herself out trying to earn praise and acceptance.
Then in 2012 Jacie attended a Faithwalking 101 retreat, a weekend which she says stands as a pivotal moment in her spiritual journey. “I felt safe to be authentic. I said some things that weekend I’d never had the courage to share before,“ she says. Participating in 101, and later in 201, helped her gain clarity about her pattern of telling half-truths or outright lies, and the motivation behind doing that.
Feeling satisfied that she had correctly identified the disobedience and the vows behind it, she was unnerved when her 201 coach challenged her with the daunting task of confessing her lie to the woman on the field trip. “I knew what I should do, and even wanted to do it as a step toward living in integrity, but the kind of transparency and vulnerability required was beyond my capacity and courage at that point.” Still worried about the other woman’s ill opinion of her, Jacie nevertheless practiced the hypothetical phone call with her coach, and eventually mustered up the courage to call the woman. “She was very gracious and even stated what an impact my honesty had on her,” Jacie recalls. “Rehearsing the phone call beforehand helped ease my anxiety and helped clarify that there were higher values I wanted to live for besides protecting my reputation.”
In the two years since joining the Faithwalking community Jacie has grown to be more authentic and vulnerable, and the freedom to express her insecurities has allowed her to live into a more missional life. Jacie and her husband, Andy, a pastor, belong to a missional community partnering with an unincorporated, low-resource neighborhood. In that community, which includes several Faithwalkers, she feels safe to be her true self. “I had strived to keep any weakness hidden and as I result I was pretty lonely. Being authentic and vulnerable was far more powerful than the perfect image I had been trying to cultivate. It allowed me to be closer with people, which was the very thing I longed for most and the thing that drove my vows. Faithwalking has helped me to reclaim and live into my true identity in Christ, rather than this false one that I was creating to keep myself safe and feel like my needs were being met,” Jacie says.
Today, twisting the truth has become much less of a temptation. Telling the truth, while at times painful, is what is leading to her path of transformation.
