This past weekend Ken Shuman facilitated another amazing ongoing transformation seminar, this one titled “Extraordinary Relationships.” Ken shared on what makes most relationships ordinary and provided practical ways to getting out of the patterns that make them that way.
While there is no way for me to do justice to all of the powerful information Ken shared with us in a blog post, I wanted to give you some highlights from the event. I hope this will encourage you on your journey towards extraordinary relationships.
- “Relationships often confound and confuse people. They sometimes end in disappointment and disillusionment.” – Roberta Gilbert
- Jesus didn’t come to ruin the lives of people. He came to liberate them and to reconcile them.
- There are principles and practices that can be learned that will help a person grow in emotional maturity and will help them establish extraordinary relationships.
- Applying these principles isn’t easy, however.
- People change very slowly and usually with resistance.
- Most people will change very little in their emotional/relational maturity if left to themselves.
- We can not change another person but we can influence them with our changed behavior.
- Fusion is the monkey wrench in relationships.
- Fusion is taking responsibility for how another person feels or expecting the other person to take responsibility for how I feel.
- Fused People:
- Are highly reactive
- Are highly sensitive to the feelings and opinions of others
- Over-function to keep others happy
- Are constantly seeking approval and praise
- Work constantly to avoid criticism
- Feel a need to make others feel better, fix them, or rescue them
- Blame a lot
- We give evidence of a lower level of emotional maturity when we become focused, more on how others are behaving towards us than we do with how we are behaving towards them.
- As long as we keep seeing “them” as responsible for our difficulties or unhappiness in life, we will stay stuck.
- 3 Practices to Becoming Less Fused
- Let go of expectations: I release expectations because you get to be you, and I get to be me.
- Learn to become less reactive: We have to find a way to manage our anxiety and our sense of threat.
- Focus on yourself: The only person you can change is you. Take responsibility for yourself.
- 3 Key Components of Extraordinary Relationships (Roberta Gilbert)
- Separate, but not separated: Establish clear boundaries. I am not responsible for someone else’s emotional well-being. I am only responsible for loving them.
- Equal: Neither person in the relationship thinks that he or she is “more” important or “less” important. There is mutual respect and appreciation.
- Open: I learn to say ’what is so for me.’ My communication is thoughtful. We talk about relevant and meaningful topics. I define myself by using “I” statements rather than “you” statements.
This is just a brief overview of some of the wonderful material that was covered in the most recent OTE seminar. I feel equipped and inspired to get out of my same old patterns and move my relationships toward extraordinary, I hope you are too.
If you are interested in making it to the next seminar make sure to connect with us on Facebook, Twitter, or through our newsletter to be notified about upcoming events.
Contributed by: Tim McGee
