In his mind, Andy Sanchez can still see the car driving off into the distance. His father, mother, and three siblings were driving off to Mexico to get tacos, but Andy wasn’t going. His parents owned three mini-marts, and Andy, as the most dependable among his siblings, was the default “right hand man” whenever his parents needed someone to stand in for them. And that day, they were going out, which meant Andy would be staying behind.
For Andy, being responsible did not feel like a virtue—it felt like a curse, especially when his family went on outings without him. To make matters worse, his siblings made fun of him for being excluded. Over time, Andy started to feel like an outsider. He felt like a servant rather than a son, and he felt taken for granted. Andy recalls, “That day, when they drove off without me, I made a commitment, I made a series of vows—to never put myself in a position where I needed anything from my parents. I promised myself not to depend on my parents.”
So Andy grew determined to make it on his own and not feel the pain of exclusion. And he had other reasons for wanting to distance himself from his family.
Andy grew up in a South Texas border town, in a home marked by alcohol-induced violence. His family had a long history with alcoholism and unfortunately, Andy’s father succumbed to it as well. His father, a semi-professional boxer, was affectionate when sober, but uncontrollably violent when intoxicated. It was not uncommon for Andy to have to defend his mother and siblings from his father’s violent rages.
So early on Andy learned how to stand up for himself. He also learned to cook for himself and be on his own. He grew more independent and detached from his family.
The affirmation that was lacking from his family, he sought from teachers and coaches. Andy was naturally tenacious, and he pushed himself to become a competitive player on and off the field. He especially poured his heart into sports, practicing year-round and gaining respect from his coaches and teammates. Sports was also an excuse to stay away from home. But underneath his driving ambition was that negative vow to not be overlooked, to not be found sitting on the sidelines. “I protected myself by becoming industrious and athletic, but deep down I wanted somebody to show me a little recognition.”
The Impact of the Inner Healing Process
Faithwalking has exposed the attitudes that have come out of his negative vows. As one who built emotional walls, Andy used to retreat and shut down during conflict. His self-protective instinct would make him hide. Through Faithwalking he has learning to talk through emotions like shame and frustration, and remind himself that he is loved, no matter how others treat him. Today, conflict that used to take him three weeks to resolve he is able to address in a matter of hours.
Before Faithwalking Andy didn’t have the resources to deal with his family of origin. In his current relationship with his siblings, Andy takes all the initiative, but rather than it making him feel resentful he is able to be appreciate the connection he has with them, and for the connection he feels through them with his parents, who are now both deceased.
Andy testifies that God has been faithful. He experiences God’s faithfulness lived out at home, at church, and in his community. The emotional healing he has received has given him vigor for service, especially among young students, some of whom can probably relate to young Andy’s struggle for affirmation. He is active at Sundown Elementary School where he serves as a mentor, a tutor, and a general volunteer, helping with everything from menial office work to running carnivals and fundraisers. Through his church, Andy has helped lead several Faithwalking Spanish retreats. Faithwalking has had a profound impact on the way Andy lives today. “Faithwalking helped me put a label on things I was experiencing. My negative vows had spilled over into my relationship with God and I was distant. Today I am a totally different person. I am better connected with God and with my family.”
