Anxiety is a part of life. When anxiety is high, the part of our brain that helps with thoughtful responses begins to shut down enabling the reactionary part of the brain to take over. To diminish the power of anxiety in ourselves and in the group we must first learn to recognize it.
In our previous post, Recognizing Your Reactivity to Anxiety: Conflict, we shared how conflict can emerge in a group and the impact it can have on the group. Another way that anxiety can express itself in a group is through distancing. Distancing occurs when people cannot tolerate conflict. So, when anxiety rises, they create distance between themselves and others.
In a situation where someone is distancing themselves, they may physically leave the room, avoid phone calls or meetings and stop returning emails. Responding to anxiety by distancing is not exclusively physical. It can also be emotionally withdrawing, keeping relationships peaceful but superficial, or remaining physically present but disengaged.
In groups where peacekeeping is highly valued, distancing might actually be seen as the more mature response. This can become very problematic because issues are not being addressed and can (and usually will) build over time. Much like the pressure of a volcano, the un-addressed issues can build until there is an explosion of conflict or, in the extreme expression of distancing, complete cut-off of the relationship.
Matthew 5:9 reads “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (ESV). There needs to be a clear distinction between peacemakers and peacekeepers. Peacekeepers avoid conflict to keep the peace. Peacemakers make peace by addressing the issues and bring some sort of resolution to the situation.
Learn to see when you are responding to the anxiety of a situation by withdrawing and fight it by actively engaging. Say what is so for you, clean up any messes you may have made, and keep pressing onward.
Distancing is…
- Physically removing yourself
- Avoiding interaction
- Emotionally withdrawing creating superficial relationships
- Being physically present but disengaged
- Excessive periods of non-communication
- Workaholism
- Excessive time with hobbies
- Talk that stays shallow
- A tendency to get quiet when anxiety rises
