Recently I have heard a few stories about people feeling down or even defeated in their transformation journey. One person had gotten so caught up in working on their vows, shame, and anxiety that they had lost sight of their progress. Another shared how she felt that she hasn’t made enough progress, and was discouraged by the same things coming up after years of working on them.
In response to this, our coach took us through a practice to help us step outside of the daily grind of our transformation journey and reflect on our journeys thus far.
Below is my take on the practice my coach had us go through. I hope you find it encouraging and challenging.
What To Do When You Are Feeling Defeated in Your Transformation Journey
A process I believe to be helpful when we begin to feel overwhelmed or defeated in our transformation is to reflect on your transformation story.
Write out your transformation story. Start your story before you were intentionally engaged in your transformation. If you are looking for help getting started here are some questions to consider and reflect on (you aren’t limited to these questions just priming the pump).
- In what areas of my life was I frequently getting stuck or stopped?
- In what areas of my life was I not living into the person that I wanted to be?
- How did I show up when I got mad, sad, or afraid?
- How did you show up when I got anxious?
Now look back over what you have written. Whether you can say you have seen progress in any of the areas listed above or not, you can see yourself and that is so important. Being able to see how you have and do show up in the midst of anxiety and negative emotion is vital to being able to respond thoughtfully in those situations. You can reflect on times when your anxiety was triggered and when you gave into your default reactions.
The next step is to write out where you believe you have grown. In this section reflect on all the areas above where you would get stirred up, stuck, stopped, and triggered but are now able to remain calm and thoughtful. Or maybe you don’t even get triggered by the same things you use to. Again, below are some questions and situations to help prime the pump.
- Where have I seen transformation?
- Has my capacity to define myself in the midst of anxiety increased?
- I use to conflict, distance, under/overfunction, or triangle when anxiety got high, but now I have an increased capacity to stop, think, and respond thoughtfully.
- My shame use to eat me alive on the inside, but now I have the courage to share it with a trusted friend and I am learning through connection and increased self-compassion that I am worthy of love and acceptance.
Reflect on this part of your story. Whether it is easy for you to see or not, being able to reflect on where you were and where you have seen progress is powerful and I hope you are able to find encouragement in that place. While trying to not sound overly spiritual I encourage you to thank God for the progress you have made, no matter how insignificant it may feel.
Lastly, I recommend writing out the areas where you are still getting stuck or are falling back into your defaults. Transformation is a journey that lasts a lifetime and we will always have areas where we get stirred up, stuck, stopped, and triggered. It is very important to that we maintain a reflective life. Like before, here are some questions to help you get started as you reflect on this.
- When I am not living into my guiding principles?
- Reflect on the times your anxiety spikes, is there a vow or past wound in play?
- What or who regularly stirs me up?
- Are there situations I frequently give up self?
This is the part of your story where you can find places you may need to intentionally get in action around. Getting in action may mean doing work to figure out if there is an undiscovered vow in play, or if you need to rework your positive vow to better disempower your negative vow. Getting in action may mean finding a safe place to share your learning, where you are getting stuck, or what your shame voice is screaming inside your head.
No matter where you are at in your transformation journey I encourage you to stay engaged. Transformation work can be hard, but there is hope in it. As we grow in emotional maturity, as we learn to live into our guiding principles, and as we press into God’s preferred future for us, we will ultimately be able to make the impact that God has called us to make.
If you are looking for a safe place to continue your transformation journey, Faithwalking has a few offerings that might fit where you are. We have 101s, 201s, 202s, and 301s all beginning in August.
